How do you respond to a 7-year-old Chinese girl when she says she wants to eat one of her male teachers? Keeping in mind that she’s just learning to speak English, there can only be one response from my husband-teacher Jacob: “Why do you want to eat Edwin?”

“Because he’s dark and I like chocolate” replies Apple sure that an African-American man must taste the same as a candy bar.

Like teachers everywhere, instructors of English as a foreign language have many stories of gaffs made by their students. The bonus with those teaching an idiom is the added challenge to keep a straight face as they correct the grammar without letting on about any sexual innuendo.

Where do they get these ideas?

Amy and Matt, Jacob’s co-workers, recalled asking their students to list occupations and having kids come up with hooker, killer, student, and criminal. And, when not sure what their fathers’ jobs are, they usually respond: “Boss.”

Favorite words in English for the young students – 8 to 10 year olds – include poo poo and W.C. (as in water closet – an indication of how many British teachers are at this school). When asked to name a character in a book and to say a few things about him, one boy’s answers were as follows: Name: Poo Poo Candy, Job: W.C. cleaner, Like: poo poo candy, Dislike: poo poo candy.

The names given to the students by their English instructors or their Chinese monitors – or sometimes self-selected – are also interesting: Go Go, Axel, King, Happy, Today, Blue, Key, Leaf, Rico, Rimbo, Dolly (for a boy), Prins (another boy) and Sunny and Cher (twin girls). The boy who chose to go by the name of B.M.W. soon had it changed to the more regular Alex. Betty isn’t an unusual name except that she’s good friends with Apple so people always talk about them as Apple Betty. Then there are Chinese teachers Toe, Tone and Summer and the director’s wife, Smile.

Is that really appropriate?

Amy told of an 8-year-old boy speaking loudly to her across the classroom about his illness and that his penis still hurt. Matt recalled a birthday cake incident in which a five-year-old waited until everyone was served a piece and then, when the teacher’s back was turned, dove in face first to finish eating the gooey pastry.

But the sweetest and saddest story is Jacob’s who recounted the last day of the semester when little Maggie, knowing her parents were transferring her to another language school, cried the entire last half of the class because she was going to miss him so.

Want to try it out?

Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? For information on training to teach English as a foreign language, click here: (www.tefl.com)

If you want to check out a forum where you can ask questions of TEFL teachers, check for positions around the world as well as on details of what’s involved, Dave’s ESL Cafe is a popular hang out: (www.daveseslcafe.com)

If you don’t have enough time to take a semester or a year away from your regular job, you might consider teaching English as a volunteer during a vacation abroad. One well-established group, Global Volunteers, can help you find a placement: (http://www.globalvolunteers.org)

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